In Water (A series on PTSD)
2022 | Course Final, Drawing Studio
This charcoal series captures the experience of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) through marine symbolism and metaphors, that is, the desperate longing to heal and forgive, an inability to live in the present, trapped in reruns of the past, and giving into the comfort of isolation.
"After trauma, the world is experienced with a different nervous system. The survivor’s energy now becomes focused on suppressing inner chaos, at the expense of spontaneous involvement in their lives." - The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk
Diagnosis, an attempt to heal.
The angelfish symbolize forgiveness, the "key" to healing and moving on, a desperate grasp yet unperceivable concept. Close yet seemingly intangible. The moon jelly, slowly encroaching on the girl, represent isolation, the soft, delicate bubble that one immerses in when all things go wrong.
Transformation, a fall into the loophole.
The girl turns from its initial resolution to the Moon Jelly to the Turritopsis dohrnii, a "biologically immortal" jellyfish that can revert to earlier stages of development (cysts or polyps) after injury or starvation. The Turritopsis dohrnii is metaphorical for the loophole that those with PTSD spiral into - trapped in the past, immobile, a loss of growth and spontaneous living in the present.
Degradation, losing my body...
It hurts. The fact that my body is in physical space yet serves no purpose to a mind that would rather wander in memory and thought.
I am not physically here. I can walk, but I cannot feel the weight of my body. My body is degrading like bleached coral.
Healing, a gradual fade to normal (whatever that is.)
Healing is neither a linear path nor a resolved state. It is simply a soft, dawning realization that living in one's headspace is no longer sustainable; It is the willingness to peer out the window, take off the comfort cap that is isolation, and acknowledge one's presence in the world.
